“Quick! Grab your phone,” she said.
“Look at her!” she said.
“Snap a pic now,” she said.
“What’s a good hashtag?” she asked.
“#DidSheReallyWearThat,” she replied.
*More mocking laughter*
“Or #TooBigForThoseJeans,” she said.
“And #BuyYourSizeBitch,” she said.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s good. Post it.” She said.
Yeah, this really happened. Not once, but several times, inside a corporate office… amongst coworkers.
All I can think when I hear shit like this is just how much pain these women have to be experiencing… so much so it’s likely not even conscious.
Some say I’m wired wrong for thinking this way. I don’t think so.
This isn’t just hate, this is a deeply planted seed of fear sprouting as pain being projected out onto another human and worse yet… our world.
It broke my heart to think about the amount of pain, just under the surface, these women have to live with to have behaved this way.
I share this story, not to point the finger, but as an example of a deep teaching moment in myself. This story showed up in MY life, therefore, the only responsible thing to do is to take responsibility for myself and ask:
Where am I doing this? Where am I being unkind? Unloving? Where am I living in fear and pain?
Because, my dear friend, my sister, my brother… it’s showing up in our world, spreading like wildfire, and manifesting as bullying, racism and even as the fat on our body.
I see no difference in this story and the wretched stories some of us tell ourselves. Hate is a form of fear and can be projected both outwardly and inwardly.
It’s not even a fear storm anymore, it’s like a fear war.
There’s questions to be asked and answers and opportunities to be explored. I had to answer my questions…
Where am I beating myself down, in this same way these women were doing to another?
Where, if not outward attack was it in inward attack?
Where am I unable to accept my body?
Where am I judging myself harshly?
Where am I not trusting myself?
Where am I holding pushing myself to achieve unrealistic states of perfection?
Where am I unable to surrender and let go of obsessive thoughts, about what someone else or myself said or did?
Where am I being un-accepting of changes in my life?
Where am I not able to forgive myself for past mistakes?
Where am I judging others without knowing them?
Where am I being impatient and controlling with my life?
Where am I placing expectations on loved ones unfairly?
Since hate is a form of fear, the opposite is love. If we want the bullying gone, the racism gone, the fat on our body gone, it’s going to require great discipline in the habits of love.
Don’t be fooled… practicing habits of love is not a part time, ‘when I feel like it’ kinda thing. I’m either practicing or I’m not.
As students of the Habit & Behavior Change Curriculum will tell you, working to cultivate these love-based habits start in the mind, as all habits do. Beginning as new ways of thinking, they trickle down, changing physical behaviors to match, requiring great strength and discipline.
… great discipline to forgive yourself for the fear storms and obsessive thoughts of self-doubt, shame, hate and fear.
… great discipline in the discernment of fear-based habitual emotions and their momentary reactions.
… great discipline to see through the fear.
… great discipline in seeing another way, in seeing only love.
… great discipline in responding from only love.
Cultivating love and love-based habits is no small feat. Guts and courage are required.
The flip side to it all is – of course – fear, creating the silent, self-induced suffering of the mind, our own personal hell. Whether we project it onto ourselves or others, it’s all one in the same.
(This is whole reason I do this work. I do not believe anyone should ever have to live in this space, especially when there is a way out.)
Your goals of health, well-being, permanent weight loss and peace of mind are NOT just for you, they are in fact, the very first domino that will save our world.